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Campaign News Archive

Doctors baffled with Cheney's oil leakage
July 17, 2003

Press corps mauls new press secretary
July 17, 2003

President privately reverses opinion on sodomy after being told what sodomy is
July 17, 2003

Limbaugh will be voice of "common asshole" on ESPN NFL show
July 17, 2003

Christian Right adopts "72 virgins in heaven" doctrine
July 16, 2003

CIA pulled from war on terror, put in charge of catering
July 15, 2003

Press secretary Fleischer's hypnosis of press corps wearing off
July 11, 2003

President thanks Africa for rap music, break-dancing
July 11, 2003

All citizens celebrate their true independence at behest of President and mass-media
July 4, 2003

President points out that Iraqi war is over, no more killing is allowed
July 3, 2003

Americans prepare to stop caring about politics as NFL season gears up
July 2, 2003

Ann Coulter suspended for racist comments in Treason book
July 2, 2003

President Bush has picture taken with group of Negroes
July 2, 2003

President dares Iraqi militants to attack U.S. troops
July 2, 2003

White House officials still deciding how to tell President of Thurmond's passing
July 1, 2003

On the Road: President in Florida to meet with loyal Buchanan supporters
June 30, 2003

President to wear flight suit at all public functions
June 19, 2003

NewsMax to sell dead Iraqis as souvenirs
June 10, 2003

White House finds economist who believes tax cut will improve economy
May 30, 2003

White House spokesman resigning, Execution planned for July
May 27, 2003

Bush team to seek reversal of American Idol vote at Supreme Court
May 26, 2003

Bush begins re-selection bid, Supporters plan to raise $202 gazillion
May 25, 2003

Bush: Homeland Security Department has Texas terrorist legislators surrounded
May 24, 2003

Bush: Attackers to suffer same fate as Bin Laden, Hussein
May 23, 2003

President destroys Syria during change in flight plan
May 22, 2003

9-11 anniversary to be moved back to coincide with Republican Convention
May 21, 2003



GRAND OLD PARTY HEADLINES

''Victory over Iraq'' celebration draws tens to Times Square
Dogs blast Sen. Santorum's remarks
9-11 anniversary to be moved back to coincide with Republican Convention
Report: Ari Fleischer and Saeed al-Sahaf never seen at same time
Americanization of Iraq complete: Baghdad now Detroit
Report: Americans already feeling pinch of worldwide freedom supply shortage
Pentagon sending thousands of Hussein statues to Iraq for destruction
White House pleased with latest Iraqi attempt at looting, rioting
DNA taken from Saddam's bunker matches killer of Nicole Simpson
Report: America hated by all people on Earth, several smart monkeys
Thousands of upgraded Bin Laden models rolling out of Mid-East factories
President admits he thought Iraqis were all ''little people''
Jesus, I can't take this shit anymore
God reveals that He and Allah are actually same entity
Officials unsure Dick Cheney was man on tape, can't remember where "secure" location is
Bush upset with poor cheat codes
Al Qaeda recruiting office overflowing with energetic enlistees
President assures Americans: We won't lose anyone I care about
Destruction of Iraqi television station spurs uprising
Disney awarded Iraq rebuilding contract
New poll results: 70% of Americans approve of war, Journey top band of all time
Bin Laden holds press conference to reaffirm own relevance
ng night of Elton John and Tim Rice's CENTCOM a smash
Extras from next Star Wars movie mistaken for surrendering Iraqis
John Madden joins FOX News war coverage
US dropping high-interest credit card offers on Iraqi troops
''Rent-a-riot'' deployed into Baghdad
President Launches Attack Moments After ''American Idol'' Results Revealed
CNN taps Hollywood for more exciting war footage
North Korea prepares to launch Operation American Freedom
Americans brace for war with massive supplies of salsa, chips, and beer
President Bush gives Saddam two minutes to leave Iraq
Bush supporters protest for war, more blowjobs
Members of FreeRepublic.com disappear from Earth; Second coming of Christ suspected
President: Elections to be phased out
U.S. tests massive bomb of peace
White House urges citizens to forgo ''French Kissing'' for ''Freedom Kissing''
Report: Freedom Fries may contain Communist Salt
President's new healthcare plan merged with Iraqi war plans
Homeland Security office: Don't use duct tape to seal shut your nose and mouth
FOX News calls Florida election for Gov. Jeb Bush
Florida bars all legal voters from election
Nation's capital moved to Florida for final election push
Overeager Democrat candidates running ads, debating
Congress passes Iraq resolution with help from newcomer Senator Laden
Poll: 87% of America ready to give Bush whatever he wants if he'll shut up about Iraq
President demands approval to invade Canada
Democrat attacks cross the line with childish cartoon ad
President Bush to address his G.I. Joe action figures tonight
Sales of Katherine Harris swimsuit calendar below projections
President proposes new ''Monopoly money'' tax refund
Democrat Report from Baghdad: Saddam really knows how to party
Bush calls Saddam 'that mean man who tried to kill my pet hamster'
Bush: My killer robots and I have 'one voice'
President seeks authorization to invade Senate for 'regime change'
Gore defects to Iraq
Rich, White, Male, God-loving Heterosexuals endorse Bush-Brogan in Florida race
Terrorists could be responsible for Hurricane Isadore

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