May 25, 2003

Washington — President Bush formally kicked off his re-selection campaign Friday by visiting each member of the U.S. Supreme Court to make a personal appeal for support.

George W. Bush’s campaign, which will be based in the deliberation chambers of the Supreme Court, was made official when he filed papers Friday with the Election Commission — so his supporters can begin executing their plan to raise a staggering $202 gazillion or more.

“The American people will decide whether or not I deserve, technically, a first democratically-elected term,” Bush said as he left the White House for Camp David. “After which, the Supreme Court will throw out this decision and let their own opinion be heard.”

The White House said that wall-to-wall ads for the President’s campaign will begin soon and will continue until the election, or until the high court hands down a verdict. Bush advisers hinted that other methods of advertising, such as product placement in movies and TV sitcoms, may be utilized.

Officials said a GOP fund-raising letter will be mailed to all Americans next week requiring a hefty donation, described as “in return for the generous tax break which you’ll soon receive thanks to President Bush.”

The President stressed the need for media coverage of his re-selection bid to focus on the President’s attention to improving the economy.

“I’m focusing my attention on helping people find work, and that’s where I’m going to be for a while,” Bush said. “By that I mean, of course, that we need new janitors at Camp David, and we’ve got a lot of interviewing to do.”