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President Aces Prostate Exam, Reconsiders Gay Unions

August 6, 2003

Bethesda, MD — President Bush is considering a major shift in his stance on the hot-button issue of gay marriage after he underwent his annual physical at National Naval Medical Center this week. A major portion of the examination was a prostate exam, which medical personnel on the scene described as “exhaustive.”

A White House source confirms that the President has “suddenly changed his entire way of thinking about this issue,” and that the President’s “eyes have beend.”

Doctors declared that President Bush is in superior fitness and that “all data suggests that he will remain so for the duration of his presidency.”

Dr. Richard J. Tubb, who performed the delicate prostate examination on President Bush, said that it was an honor to ensure the President’s health. “I was nervous about this procedure, because how often do you have the President of the United States in this vulnerable of a position? My training taught me to just take the task slowly, carefully, and affectionately,” said Dr. Tubb.

“You have very soft, gentle hands,” remarked the President to Dr. Tubb during the procedure, according to nurses in the examination room.

In an unusual scheduling move, President Bush will undergo another physical later this week. A receptionist at the National Naval Medical Center confirmed that Bush requested the additional appointment himself for unspecified reasons.




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