June 10, 2003

NewsMax.com, “America’s News Page,” has received an exclusive contract with the Pentagon to offer the carcasses.

Washington — Online news magazine NewsMax.com will start offering corpses of Iraqi soldiers who died in the recent War with Iraq for sale to readers and freedom-lovers.

Most widely recognized in journalistic circles for their sale of a wide variety of playing cards — raging from a “Deck of Weasels,” featuring leaders and celebrities who opposed the war in Iraq to the “Deck of Hillary,” featuring quotes taken out-of-context by Hillary Clinton accompanied with photos that make her look fat, NewsMax.com said they hoped that the dead Iraqis would be a top seller.

“Our new ‘Stiff Evildoer’ line of products should set sales records in the entire conservative-wingnut—psycho-novelty-product-arena that we’ve been a leader in,” managing editor Chuck Noe said.

“Just think how much your family would enjoy an authentic dead Iraqi, killed by our brave American forces in battle, in your living room or den,” proclaimed promotional material on the site. “A wasted evildoer residing in your home is a constant reminder of American strength and superiority, and is exclusively from NewsMax.”

Noe said that NewsMax has been awarded an exclusive contract with the Pentagon to offer the dead Iraqi solders to the American public. “We’re happy to take the product, which there is a lot of just laying around over there, off their hands and put it to good use,” he said.

The online magazine is also planning the sale of dead Iraqi children for a reduced price, and an economical ordering plan of an entire family killed by American bombs.