ESPN Press Release

Bristol, Conn. — National talk radio asshole Rush Limbaugh will join ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown to provide the voice of “common asshole,” the network announced Monday.

Limbaugh will provide viewers with a paranoia-laden rant about the NFL every week, and he’s expected to participate in heated arguments specifically with each of the African-American and female ESPN analysts.

Mark Shapiro, ESPN’s executive vice president of programming and production, said that he expects Limbaugh to quickly dive into topics such as “Jon Gruden is the Devil,” “The Cowboys are Anti-American,” and “Warren Sapp is a Communist.”

“Rush is an asshole’s asshole,” said Shapiro. “His ability to come across as batshit crazy will make this one entertaining ride.”

“We want to give assholes a voice, and Rush is the person who can do it.”