A CNN/USA Today poll suggests that Americans couldn’t care less about complex news and issues concerning America’s place in the world

WASHINGTON — Poll results released today show that Americans have little tolerance for reality, and would prefer to not be subjected to information dealing with the intricacies of war, the economy, and our government in general.

The CNN/USA Today poll found that Americans aren’t sold on the importance of actual knowledge, and that most would rather spend their time on the pursuits of leaning about Kobe Bryant’s accuser.

“I think what this poll says is that Americans, by and large, are more interested in Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez than the nitpicky details of war,” said Robert Olson, who teaches communication and government at the University of Florida.

Olson said that our lack of understanding of current events is a by-product of Americans simply not caring. “Most Americans think that we’ve found WMD in Iraq, that Hussein was responsible for 9/11, and that Elvis is alive and working in a Wal-Mart outside Kansas City,” said Olson.

Americans seemed to take the poll results in stride, even though a significant majority had no idea the poll had been taken or what the results meant.

“Yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of stuff going on in the world, but it’s just too complex for me to really have an opinion on,” said local salesman Kenneth Green. “But after learning about what Angelina Jolie has been up to lately, I really don’t have the energy to figure out what’s going on in the world.”